It's been a long time since I've updated this blog; this silence is certainly not a result a dearth of events in my life - there has been plenty taking place on a day-to-day basis which deserve to be documented. Events range from an ever-increasing sense of futility pervading all that I do, to something vaguely resembling hope on the distant horizon. Mixed in with all these emotions is a vague sense of accomplishment, a sense based on the completion of deadlines.
In short, there is some reason to hope, to care, to love.
Most notably, working on the fundraising activities - the raffle - has made a positive difference in the absolute shithouse of my life.
Concomitant with a dropoff in posting here is a drop in communication with friends. This latter dropoff is slightly more complex; as an example, I bring you a man I'll call "Rodney." Rodney is from Oz; Rodney has a superiority complex that makes negotiating doorways difficult at times.
As an example, Rodney decided that he knew everything there was to know about my cancer, and one day took the trouble to come down off his cloud and fill me in. When I asked him a relatively simply question (Does your theory allow for the two different hematopoetic cycles, one of which produces healthy blood cells, and the other which produces mutated, unhealthy blood cells, the phone went silent for a bit. He then asked me what I meant by that.)
Another example was when Rod decided to do a cycle of steroids to "get strong." I asked him what drugs he was using, and I was informed that I wouldn't understand. Rather than argue, I simply said "OK, you're probably right, but one thing to keep in mind: only add one drug at a time.". He told me I definitely did not understand, and that you had to mix your drugs together in a stack; I simply said "Oh, you're right, I don't understand."
The next communication from Rodney was a text. He was in the back of an ambulance on his way to the hospital, because something had gone wrong with his approach to steroids. I was tempted to tell him that I didn't understand how that could happen.
He told me, at one point, that I had to take the rest of my life and just travel. He decided, about 6 months ago, he was going to raise money to help me. That cost me $20, and time to figure out what had gone wrong.
I called Rodney the other day, and he asked me what was going on; I told him that Sharon and I had a very heartfelt conversation; that I we were making headway in living with this cancer. He told me that I had to leave Sharon immediately, to sell the house out from under her, and go live in a retirement village. I suggested to him that he was out of line; he told me that if I didn't want to hear "the truth" I shouldn't ask.
I pointed out that I had not in fact asked, but that he had felt free to tell me.
He became quite upset with me at this point, and made it clear that it was no trivial thing for him to come down from the heavens armed with the truth, and I had better learn to listen to him.
I must admit that I find such people interesting, if nothing else.
