Sooner or later, my mind is going to break. It's inevitable; I'm not sure how I've managed to keep it intact this long - but have no doubt. I am reaching its breaking point.
There has simply been too much loss, too many setbacks, and too little of anything good. I've talked about the loss prior to this, I won't bother again. I can't say anything that I haven't already said.
I honestly have been trying to do the right things. That's simply being rewarded with pain.
My sincere hope is that I somehow die before the break happens. I don't want to live through the break. That would be asking too much of anybody, even me.
I've done all I can do.
Time to try to sleep through the pain. This is one of the hardest parts of the day: I don't want to fall asleep, despite how tired I am. Falling asleep while in pain is simply a horrendous experience. Knowing that I will wake up in pain is sort of like punctuating with 10 exclamation points.
I sincerely hope that nobody I know ever goes through the pain, the misery, the hopelessness, the despair that I am living every minute of every day.
