Still kicking, sort of...

I'm still here. It's complicated; I can't tell you much anymore in a three sentence summary. However, my health is somewhat precarious: I'm living with a grossly enlarged spleen. The cancer lurks in my bone marrow. I've already outlived what the statistics say; I've already outlived the doctors' expectations from when I bled out.

I must stress: what you read in this blog is the product of a process called expressive writing. One purpose of the website is to leave a picture of my life as a cancer patient. Another purpose of the website is to permit my mind to express ideas which I may never enact, but by writing about them, I gain more control over them.

This expressive writing is a key tool in living my life on my own terms. 

If I'm living in fear of something, I have lost control. If, for example, I fear that I will kill myself because of the disease, because of the stressors, then I am no longer controlling my thoughts and ideas. This lack of control can spread to other ideas, to other thoughts, until my entire consciousness is out of my control. By expressing these thoughts in writing, I realize they are powerless. That I am still in control.

The title of this update: yesterday morning I woke up, and my legs were paralyzed. I could not move them. After about 6 hours, they started to work again; they worked fine the rest of the evening, and they seem fine today.

BobW, 02/21/17

This update was made to the "Death Project" page heading on the main menu of this site. I wanted to post it here as I know that most folks don't read that page.